It can be exciting and frustrating to be getting to know someone who is boyfriend/girlfriend material. You appreciate learning about what makes each other tick. Yet there is also a lot of uncertainty. You’re afraid you’ll say or do anything that will make them think you’re a big oddball. But, there are techniques to reduce the chances of saying or doing anything that may end the relationship before it really begins. Here are 11 things to avoid early on in a relationship.
1- Acting too needy/clingy
It’s natural to want to spend as much time as possible with someone at the start of a relationship. The sentiment is most likely mutual. So don’t be jealous or angry if he/she wants to go to their book group every Tuesday evening or enjoy a coffee with a friend without you going along. As your relationship develops, they will be more inclined to include you in their larger social life, including meeting their closest friends. At the same time, it’s critical that you both have separate lives outside of your partnership.
2- You’re moving too fast to plan your future together
When you go from going on dates to officially becoming an item, there is an unmistakable sense of euphoria and excitement. They are incredible! You even find their irritating little peculiarities endearing. Perhaps he/she is the one! Such sort of thinking leads some people to make the unfortunate mistake of trying to plan too far in advance. It is far too early to talk about moving in together if you have just been dating for a few weeks or even months. Hinting at a wedding is also a no-no at this point. Simply enjoy your connection and be patient. There is no need to hurry.
3- Comparing them to your exes
If you tell your boyfriend/girlfriend how they compare to former partners, you’re sending two very negative messages. First, it suggests to them that you aren’t over your ex, especially if you’re talking about them positively. Second, it places undue pressure on them to live up to whatever expectations you have for them, even if you believe you’re complimenting them on being so much better than Jake or Jennifer ever were.
4- Expecting them to meet all of your standards
While compatibility and common interests are certainly vital aspects of a relationship, some wiggle room is required. When you go on dates and get to know someone, don’t handle it like you’re a human resources manager. Don’t obsess and make mental notes on their eating habits, sporting interests, or how much partying they’re willing to undertake. Embrace them for who they are and utilize that to determine whether or not a long-term relationship is possible.
5- Ignoring the obvious red signs
While you can’t expect a partner to be perfect in every manner, there is a risk of overlooking all of their shortcomings in the hopes that they will change over time or because you find them so physically beautiful that you try to convince yourself that these character defects aren’t a major concern. If you notice that they have characteristics that would be difficult to deal with — perhaps they are highly confrontational, make questionable decisions that have gotten them into trouble, or have deeply held political or religious beliefs that align in ways that would constantly lead to conflict — the relationship is unlikely to last.
6- Arriving at their workplace
Making a meal for a new boyfriend/girlfriend or sending flowers (or, even better, Super Bowl tickets!) is a thoughtful gesture. Dropping by their office early in the relationship, especially if they haven’t even disclosed your existence to their coworkers, can be awkward and, well, strange. Let them a few months to hype you up before your big debut.
7- Loaning out money to them
If you’ve barely been dating for a short time and he/she starts asking you to lend them money, it doesn’t speak well for the relationship’s future. For starters, it is a dead giveaway that they aren’t very good with money. Second, it conveys the notion that they take you for granted, which is not ideal when your relationship is just getting started.
8- concentrating nearly entirely on the intimacy of the connection
You’ll be doing a lot of making out and, most likely, more toward the start of the relationship. Yet, you should not overlook other factors, such as emotional compatibility. Discovering shared interests and being willing to listen to them when they are having a bad day will assist to develop the relationship.
9- Saying the “L” word
While everyone decides when they love their partner at their own speed, you should never utter “I love you” until you are certain that the emotion is mutual. Alternatively, your partner may feel terrible for not responding in kind with sincerity. Some people may wait three months, while others may wait six months before ultimately expressing these words.
10- You should introduce them to your entire family
There’s nothing wrong with asking your new boyfriend/girlfriend to meet up with a sister for lunch or a cocktail, but inviting them to your grandmother’s 80th birthday party when you’re only a few weeks into the relationship is a very questionable option. You should give yourself plenty of time to get to know each other before taking that leap of faith. The last thing you want is for family members to figure out where your relationship is going before you!
11- pretending to be someone you’re not
When you meet someone who has the potential to be your girlfriend/boyfriend, the urge to present yourself as cooler than you actually are is strong. In the long run, however, this is an impossible act to maintain. It’s best to just be yourself, and they’ll either like (and ideally eventually love) you for who you are, or they won’t, and you’ll move on.
